Still Here

Still here.  I know I don't have a lot of readers.  Hell this blog isn't even my main project.  I was even considering deleting it for the third time.  However some things have happened.  My life is the same.  I still love my wife but I've given up any hope of being intimate with her again.  Everywhere we go I'm always looking at other women, wondering if they are happy or they are like me, living their lives wishing for a little time to do what they want to do.  I also find myself envious of couples out in public who are obviously happy to be around each other.  When we're out together it's just 'oh it's you!'  I think she is taking after her parents.  Whether or not she realizes it I don't know.  They've been married a long, long time and had a turbulent marriage.   My wife grew up with screaming, cursing, shouting, and throwing things (in one occasion a bat was utilized).  She grew up thinking that was normal.  So I think that is the root of her anxieties and disinterest in physical affection.  That is normal for her, but not for me.